Not fitting the norm, we break it.

We meet once a week,

To determine what’s chic,

With our ideas we are never complacent.

- Valiant

Do you think I mean tundra?

Nope, just a typo.

Oh! This gelato,

Served by Michigan students,

So deliciously smart.

Would you like a cone?

Softer gelato may drip,

Eat at your own risk.

Atmosphere is fresh,

Authentic Italian songs,

And of course, romance.

And the espresso,

A perfect pull, served so fresh,

Hip barista swag.

Order a latte,

What a phenomenal way

To start a new day.

An affogato?

Help! A gelato is drowning!

Save it with a spoon.

Our forearms are strong,

Our commitment unwavering,

Here, heroes are born.

Creamy, dense and sweet,

Iorio’s gelato,

I can’t help but eat.

- Valiant

Served by employees so phenomenal,

We wear fancy hats,

But don’t ask us to dance,

Although our good looks, we will always model.

- Valiant

Each day the Prince’s subjects would come ask of his sage advice, and each day the Prince, gesturing boisterously, would demand to be left alone; such was the nature of his rule. The Prince had a habit of flailing his arms in condescension, raising his hands in front of his face to mimic the inane requests of those he referred to as “peasants.”

Now, the Prince had taken a liking to long walks on the beach as a way to clear his mind from the annoyances of living amongst such irritating subjects. One morning while wandering down the coast of his territory, the Prince saw before him a red crab crushing rocks between his outsized claws. The Prince began to stroll past the crab, when the unadorned animal let out a salutation:

“Hello, Prince! How are you this fine evening?”

The Prince, shocked at the gall of such a creature to address him (and completely unaware of the fact that he had just been spoken to by a creature of the sea), turned to the crab in disgust:

“How dare you address me, have you no knowledge of who I am?”

The crab responded: “Oh yes, Prince, I do indeed.”

“I demand you apologize this instant!” The Prince howled.

“Perhaps,” the crab responded, “or perhaps not. I hold a proposition for you, Prince. If you can defeat me in a challenge of strength, I will apologize to you and come live in your castle as a loyal subject.”

The Prince, never one to shy away from a challenge (and recognizing the useful novelty of a talking crab in his quest for romance), spoke with the smugness of one who is clearly overly confident in his ability:

“What such challenge did you have in mind?”

“We shall race,” the crab proposed, “to see who has the ability to crush the most rocks between their hand. A test of strength, Prince, if you choose to accept.”

The Prince pondered the offer. Recently the Prince, realizing the importance of firm handshake in any diplomatic endeavor, had begun a daily regime of finger pushups and weight training, surely crushing a rock was well within his ability.

“I accept your challenge,” the Prince decreed, “we shall begin at once.”

“At once,” the crab responded.

While the Prince was able to crush a few small rocks, his confidence had clouded him from the fact that he was facing a creature with rough, rugged claws, just the type required to demolish stones. (He was also apparently unaware that he was racing a crab, which, under normal conditions, would have no capability of thought or speech.)

And so for the first time in his life, the Prince lost. He was infuriated and shocked at his performance, and demanded of the crab another round.

“But Prince, surely you will lose again,” the crab responded confidently, “for you lack the claws required to accomplish the task!”

The Prince thought for a moment, “Then you shall give me your claws! For I am the Prince, and the Prince does not lose.”

“As you wish, dear Prince, for I am but a crab, and a crab has does not concern itself with trivial pursuits of power.”

In a flash of light and a boom of thunder, the crab disappeared into the fog of the ocean, leaving no trace of his arrival or departure. The Prince looked down at what were once his human hands, and in their place were now two large crab claws. He began to pick up rocks and crush them with ease, a large smile plastered from ear to ear.

* * *

Upon return to his princely duties, the Prince showed off his glorious crab claws with fervor, gesturing wildly and speaking with his usual air of condescension. However, as the townspeople would soon realize, it would seem as though the Prince’s pride had finally gotten the best of him.

You see, in reality (and as you may have guessed, dear reader), there was no crab and there were no claws. Quite simply, the Prince had gone mad with power and simply imagined the whole ordeal in a spout of anxiety over his perceived inadequacies.

Seeing that the Prince had gone mad, all of his oppressed subjects chased him from the villa gesturing wildly with their hands gripped in a crab-claw shaped grasp.

In a testament to Italian impudency, this gesture has lasted throughout the ages throughout many kings and princes, and is the reason why Italian’s mock people with their hands folded in such a ridiculous manner.

- Valiant

Inspired by the Film Fest, our Gelatistas share our favorite Italian related movies:

Big Night - Carina

When in Rome - Maria (because there’s nothing like a good romantic comedy…especially when it’s set in Italy!)

Eat Pray Love - Alice

What’s your favorite Italian related movie?

Do you want to raise money for your student group? If so, apply to be a part of Iorio’s inaugural gelato wars!  Gelato wars pairs two groups together in a challenge to generate the most sales.

Interested?!  Fill out the application here!

Grazie!

Ann Arbor Gelatistas

Affogato – gelato drowned in espresso.  your choice of whichever gelato flavor you’d like!

Gelatte – gelato with steamed milk in a delicious, warming drink.  your choice of whichever gelato flavor you’d like!  add an espresso shot for a caffeine boost!

Espresso con Panna – a shot (or two…or three) of espresso topped with our homemade panna (whipped cream), made with local Calder Dairy cream

Want something to accompany your coffee drink?  Try one of our Italian cookies: Biscotti, Lemon Polenta, &/or Baci di Dama, made with local & organic ingredients & amore by Nicole!

Eat Gelato. Drink Coffee.  Vive La Dolce Vita!

Ciao,

Ann Arbor Gelatistas